I found myself startled awake from the dream I had just experienced. It was a vivid dream, one that I will never be able to forget but once that I will forever choose to not think on. It was nearing 2:00am, I only figured this out after several minutes with my head buried under my comforter, for the fear had paralyzed me there. My first thought was,
“this is not real…”
but then I quickly realized, while only a dream, the fear and the enemy behind the fear were very real, almost tangible My second thought came just as quickly,
“Speak His Name, say it out loud! Now!”
But the dream lingered, still so fresh and the fear hovered, still so tangible, and I could not even speak. Again, I had never experienced such a fear that even my mouth felt glued shut. The comforter still hadn’t been pulled back nor my eyes forced open.
He was gaining on me, that evil enemy and his scare tactics. But as my mind started to clear up a bit, I began to say His Name over and over. The Name that is above all other names, the Name that was present before the beginning, and the Name that has conquered at the end.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Jesus.
The Name that hears us in our fears.
The fear was still present, it hadn’t magically disappeared. But Fear itself also heard the Name of his Conqueror, Jesus Christ, who rendered the enemy completely powerless. After a few moments of crying His Name into the darkness, I reached for the lamp beside my bed.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Still completely submerged under the covers, I flicked the light on and it brought a sense of relief.
The enemy loves the dark it’s where he thrives, in those moments where light is nowhere to be found there he is. But one tiny lamp, one small scared voice crying out the Name that created light, and darkness flees.
I began to feel peace, a peace that I haven’t experienced before that moment. This peace brought clarity into my confusion. I still felt fear, but I had enough clarifying peace to assemble my armor and march on.
His perfect, all-consuming, never-ending Love had cast Fear from my room and my presence. Now it was up to me to fight back with the armor he had given. Little did I know that this feeling deep within the pit of my stomach would linger… for hours into the night and into the morning. I prayed that sunrise would come.
Oh God, send it soon.
I knew He was protecting me, but the reality is that we battle against things we can’t explain or see, and until we step into Glory that will always be the case. Fear had been cast out, but the lingering effects of the battle stayed with me. So I cried out again to the One who hears, remembering that He doesn’t lie and that all His promises are true.
“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'”
“Do not fear, for I am with you;”… This is true, let me feel your presence.
“Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.” … Let me be focused on your face and nothing else.
“I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,”…God, I need your strength, give it to me now please.
“I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”… Let me feel the grip of your hand pulling me from this pit.
And He did. He strengthened me, let me feel His presence, and refocused my eyes upon His face.
This battle has only just begun and it has at the same time already been won. So I will trust in Him, even when fear crouches at my feet or when sleep doesn’t come until morning. Because He is good and His love that casts out fear endures forever.
