Culture Stress

Everyone talks about culture shock, but no one ever describes culture stress. The truth is that while I may not have experienced as much shock, because I’ve spent some time in this city before moving here, I have experienced more stress in the past few weeks than I have in my entire life. However, stress is a funny thing and it comes about in ways that I could have never imagined. Currently it’s in the form of some nasty cold that makes my head feel like I am wearing a 25lb hat. Culture stress is what happens when you go to the store and realize you’re not exactly sure how to even ask where something is located and so instead of finding it you go home... to an empty fridge. Culture stress is melting down at the city office because there’s no one that speaks your language but you have to register to live in your house legally. Culture stress is walking around aimlessly because you aren’t really even sure where to go or what to do but you’re too afraid to go home to an empty house.

 In 60 days I have

-      Moved 6,681 miles 

-      Said goodbye to my family not knowing when I would see them again (turns out it will be another 6 months until I do)

-      Moved into a one room apartment and slept on the floor for 44 days

-      Shared the gospel 

-      Made some new friends

-      Paid bills in Japanese

-      Become a legal resident of Japan

-      Fell off of my bicycle in front of an entire sidewalk full of people

-      Moved another 2 miles to a 3 bed room house

-      Had my trash returned to me because I didn’t recycle correctly

-      Ran into a fence on my bike and almost fell… again

-      Woke up to my house being 50 degrees because I didn’t buy a heater

-    Realized that I will miss the holidays with my family for the first time in my life

-    Realized that I'll miss the holidays twice

Excitement is high and my emotions have been all over the place but I sat in my room this morning, staring at myself in the mirror and thought, “I am so exhausted I feel like I can’t even breathe.” I didn’t have culture shockbecause I’ve been here before and I knew what I was going to encounter. But LIVING here is completely different… and I honestly feel like I am failing at this whole thing. Going to the grocery store is not exciting or adventurous, it’s just flat out tiring. Google translate will only do so much and trying to figure out how to get 18 liters of kerosene on the back of my bicycle for that heater I desperately needed just will not work.

As I continued to stare at the mirror I begged God “Please show up here, I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t even know which way is up. I need you to meet me here because I can’t stand to even come and meet you. Every single thing around me is so foreign and changing and I have no control over anything.” But as I opened my bible to my daily reading plan I began to read Psalm 69.

Save me, O God,    for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths,    where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;    the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;    my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,    looking for my God.

But I pray to you, Lord,
    in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,    answer me with your sure salvation.
Rescue me from the mire,    do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,    from the deep waters.
Do not let the floodwaters engulf me    or the depths swallow me up
    or the pit close its mouth over me.

Answer me, Lord, out of the goodness of your love;
    in your great mercy turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant;    answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
Come near and rescue me...

I began to cry as my eyes read the first two lines. I literally felt as if I would never get past this stage of being completely overwhelmed by the sea I’m drowning in. But, it hasn’t always been this way and it will not always be this way. One day I’ll go to the grocery store and not be overwhelmed. Eventually I’ll be able to understand the gist of the conversation happening around me. Soon I’ll be able to see my family. I'll celebrate the holidays, just with a new set of family than before. But even if those things never happen, the goodness of His love will always be there. Even as I type that sentence I have a hard time believing it but I have to believe it because without the truth of His word I am nothing and I cannot do this.