It Is Not Easy...

April 3, 2018

The gut-wrenching, stomach turning feeling comes in waves. It is like the feeling you get when you know something new is about to happen, but there is no clear view of what that new thing will look like. Or  like the feeling you get when you know you’re about to lose something, or maybe that you’ve already lost it. But nevertheless, the feeling is there. It’s real. And it isn’t glamorous or exciting, actually it really hurts.

I feel as though when people ask about this new season, that they think the decision was easy, or as my friend Whitney put it “they think we have not counted the cost.” But this is not true. It’s actually quite the opposite. This decision that I, and about 120 others, are making is probably the most difficult, heartbreaking, uncomfortable decision of our lives. Speaking for myself, I understand that I am leaving my family to go to a land that is completely foreign. I know that I will be living alone unless God sees fit to send me a partner. I am completely aware that I will be the minority, I will be the one that cannot communicate, and that all the while I will be the one that is trying to communicate something that could change the eternity of the person in front of me.  I understand that my life will look drastically different than most people my age, I will not be making a lot of money, nor will I be married with 1 kids and have a steady career by the age of 23. I know that I am causing my family extreme pain, I understand that I am leaving friends behind knowing full-well that I will miss important things in their lives, like weddings, and babies, and major milestones. I am not blind to any of these things, instead all of these facts are like blazing hot bullets firing through my brain at any given second. I’m living many “lasts” these days. My “last” time to serve with my pastor and staff. My “last” Easter, Christmas, birthday. My “last” kids ministry event or lunch with a friend. None of these are easy, in fact this is one of the most challenging seasons of my life.

This price is real. The cost is high. But my God is worth it.

He is worth the all of the “lasts.”

He is worth leaving my mother and father and sister which I love more than life itself.

He is worth the 6,708 miles between me and a hug from my friends or family.

He is worth the language barrier and the foreign atmosphere.

He is worth the loss of the “American Dream” (and in fact, he is SO MUCH BETTER than that.)

He is worth the pain that my family is experiencing.

He is worth my life and all of my breath.

So, please do not think that this decision was easy, it never will be easy. But the cause of Christ is worth the price and I am more than willing to pay that price.  Not in my own power, or through my own ability, but simply because he has called me, and what more could I say but “Yes, Father. I am willing, because YOU are WORTH IT.”