Arrival: The Advent for the Missionary's Heart

December 1

*In an effort to renew my heart, as well as my longing for Christ I’ve decided to attempt to write a new advent devotional every morning until December 25^th. I want to remember this season of arrival, as I am begging for Christ to arrive in the hearts of those around me. While this advent is not only for missionaries, there will be some devotionals that focus on the heart cries of us as we wait to see Christ exalted in the dark places. *

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The scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler’s staff from between his feet, until he to whom it belongs shall come and the obedience of the nations shall be his.

Genesis 49:10

            Excitement bubbled within me and would hardly allow sleep as I lay there in the middle of the night knowing that today would begin Advent. This Arrival season is one where we as Christians look forward to the second coming of the victorious, ruling Messiah and look back to His first coming as a humble, tiny baby. A missionary often finds their hearts cluttered with a mix of emotions as we look back on everything we left behind and look forward to all that God will do in the land to which He has called us. This is an emotion the people of promise were rather familiar with. They had heard these prophecies of the coming Messiah and what would come from their fathers, grandfathers, and great grandfathers. But they also took so much pride and honor in their past, in the fact that God had chosen them to be His people. However, Genesis 49 promises something for us, it promises that “the nations” will be part of this ruler’s kingdom. 

As we look back on Jesus’ birth and look forward to His return, we have the hope that He will forever reign (the scepter will not depart), and that the nations “shall be his.” In this world full of darkness, wherever we sit today, the Called-Out Ones have a promise that the nations shall be HIS. When we are tired and weary, and feel as if we have no more energy or desire to share because of the darkness covering the land we are in, let us cling to this promise. Let us look forward to this HOPE: the goodness of His unending reign and the majesty of His promise! He is coming and all nations shall be His! 

Present Discomforts and Future Promises

The story of the Israelites wandering through the desert has always been one that I rushed through with a puzzled look and not much interest (if I’m being totally honest). How ungrateful could they be? Why would they complain over such simple things? How could they desire to be back in Egypt... back in bondage? But recently, my entire outlook has changed because when I look at myself I see an Israelite. 

            I open my Bible to the book of Numbers and once again His Spirit meets me there bringing Truth and Conviction and Grace all at once. As I read through the story of God’s chosen people using every uncomfortable moment to complain and ask God “Why?!?” I realize that this has been me. In Numbers 11: 4-6, the people are complaining about not having any meat: “We remember the fish we had in Egypt that cost nothing,... but now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” The very thing that they had prayed for (deliverance) had been given to them, and not only deliverance but the hope of a land where they could flourish and be under the rule of their King and Creator. But, here they were, complaining about not having the meat that they did in Egypt... the meat that they ate in bondage.

The complaints of their present circumstances were leading the minds of the Israelites to embellish their past. Egypt was the place that they worked long hours, under cruel conditions, for pagan people; yet, here they stand, a free people with the glory of God leading their every step, heading toward a beautiful land but complaining every step of the way. 

This middle place is where I find myself lately. I stand under the full assurance of God’s grace in my hard moments and live in the place that His Spirit has called me to. I am lavished with His love and protected by His arms. Yet, I stand here with complaints flowing from my tongue instead of praise and wishing I had the comforts I left behind. 

No, America wasn’t a place of bondage for me, but to stay would have been disobedient. And now I’m here, in His will and plan, wishing I was out of His will and plan only because I’m uncomfortable at the moment. How selfish! How arrogant and prideful! 

God did not promise the people that the journey would be easy, but He did give them the hope of freedom and a land to call their own where they would be under HIS rule and reign. God has promised me, not an easy path, but one where I get to watch Him work in ways I could have never imagined and see results of His grace and salvation.  

1 Thessalonians 3 gives encouragement to believers “so no one would be unsettled by these trials. For you know quite well that we are destined for them.” I’m destined for these trials? YES! Because I’m following a Savior who was also destined for trial and even death, so how should I expect to come out unscathed when my Redeemer had to die! My trials are nothing compared to others in the harvest field all over the world and they are certainly nothing compared to the ones my Savior endured! 

            I will continue to bow before the Father and beg Him to make me humble and remind me of His promises and the future hope that He has given to us as believers. My mind has to be on the things of eternity because my mind ruled by my flesh will only lead to sin. So I’ll praise Him for the truth and conviction of His word and praise Him for His grace that I do not deserve. My present discomforts have no comparison to His goodness, nor should I allow them to overshadow His future promises. 

Culture Stress

Everyone talks about culture shock, but no one ever describes culture stress. The truth is that while I may not have experienced as much shock, because I’ve spent some time in this city before moving here, I have experienced more stress in the past few weeks than I have in my entire life. However, stress is a funny thing and it comes about in ways that I could have never imagined. Currently it’s in the form of some nasty cold that makes my head feel like I am wearing a 25lb hat. Culture stress is what happens when you go to the store and realize you’re not exactly sure how to even ask where something is located and so instead of finding it you go home... to an empty fridge. Culture stress is melting down at the city office because there’s no one that speaks your language but you have to register to live in your house legally. Culture stress is walking around aimlessly because you aren’t really even sure where to go or what to do but you’re too afraid to go home to an empty house.

 In 60 days I have

-      Moved 6,681 miles 

-      Said goodbye to my family not knowing when I would see them again (turns out it will be another 6 months until I do)

-      Moved into a one room apartment and slept on the floor for 44 days

-      Shared the gospel 

-      Made some new friends

-      Paid bills in Japanese

-      Become a legal resident of Japan

-      Fell off of my bicycle in front of an entire sidewalk full of people

-      Moved another 2 miles to a 3 bed room house

-      Had my trash returned to me because I didn’t recycle correctly

-      Ran into a fence on my bike and almost fell… again

-      Woke up to my house being 50 degrees because I didn’t buy a heater

-    Realized that I will miss the holidays with my family for the first time in my life

-    Realized that I'll miss the holidays twice

Excitement is high and my emotions have been all over the place but I sat in my room this morning, staring at myself in the mirror and thought, “I am so exhausted I feel like I can’t even breathe.” I didn’t have culture shockbecause I’ve been here before and I knew what I was going to encounter. But LIVING here is completely different… and I honestly feel like I am failing at this whole thing. Going to the grocery store is not exciting or adventurous, it’s just flat out tiring. Google translate will only do so much and trying to figure out how to get 18 liters of kerosene on the back of my bicycle for that heater I desperately needed just will not work.

As I continued to stare at the mirror I begged God “Please show up here, I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t even know which way is up. I need you to meet me here because I can’t stand to even come and meet you. Every single thing around me is so foreign and changing and I have no control over anything.” But as I opened my bible to my daily reading plan I began to read Psalm 69.

Save me, O God,    for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths,    where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;    the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;    my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,    looking for my God.

But I pray to you, Lord,
    in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,    answer me with your sure salvation.
Rescue me from the mire,    do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,    from the deep waters.
Do not let the floodwaters engulf me    or the depths swallow me up
    or the pit close its mouth over me.

Answer me, Lord, out of the goodness of your love;
    in your great mercy turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant;    answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
Come near and rescue me...

I began to cry as my eyes read the first two lines. I literally felt as if I would never get past this stage of being completely overwhelmed by the sea I’m drowning in. But, it hasn’t always been this way and it will not always be this way. One day I’ll go to the grocery store and not be overwhelmed. Eventually I’ll be able to understand the gist of the conversation happening around me. Soon I’ll be able to see my family. I'll celebrate the holidays, just with a new set of family than before. But even if those things never happen, the goodness of His love will always be there. Even as I type that sentence I have a hard time believing it but I have to believe it because without the truth of His word I am nothing and I cannot do this.