The Hard Moments

I don’t want to forget this moment. This moment is a hard moment. I won’t say it was a hard day, because currently I’m only able to live one moment at a time. But right now, I miss my family. I miss walking into a home filled with people and a place filled with memories. It’s hard to walk into a place with no memories and no one to greet me. There are moments in everyday that I want to share with them, or wish that they could see, but they’re sleeping when my day is going and I’m asleep while they are living their life. It’s this feeling of realization that hits often... the realization that this is not just for a little while. But that I LIVE here. And that they live THERE. The life that I’ve known for 23 years seems so distant, almost as if it had never happened at all. But it did happen and sometimes the memories are great and I smile... and other times they hurt because that’s all they are... only memories.

 I miss my church. I miss people welcoming me with open arms and understanding my troubles. There’s something about walking into a room of people that you love and you know that they love you back without even a word being said. The seemingly difficult “issues” are barely even memorable. The only thing I remember is their hugs on a Sunday morning and the lives that I loved being apart of.

 I miss being able to speak to the lady at the grocery store or the waiter at the restaurant... in my own language. Even if I want to speak to them, I’m not quite sure what to say. Aren’t I here to TELL them about this Jesus that I love so much? I can barely tell them my name. Much less His....

I miss my friends that were only a few miles down the road if I needed them or just simply wanted to see them. I miss the laughs that we shared and the fact that they understood my humor and I understood theirs. I’m having to relearn what things people find funny and I’m struggling to find things to laugh about with others. I miss laughing! This is what happens when someone completely switches cultures. There is not one thing that is familiar... not even if you think it should be familiar.

But with all of that said, after all the emotions fade away, these are the facts:
- my family is 7,000 miles away.
- God is good.
- No one speaks my language.
- God has called me here.
- This moment hurts.
- His mercies are new every morning.

He loves the people of Japan and no matter my emotion, he deserves my every breath. Even if I had to leave my family a million times, give up my friends over and over, and learn every language there is it still would not be enough to repay Him for what He has done for me. Because it isn’t about me or what I can do. It’s simply about Him and His glory.

So I’ll lay here and trust that I’ll find family, friends, and memories here and I’ll cling to the mercy that will come tomorrow and the hope that I have for all eternity.