April 3, 2018
The gut-wrenching, stomach turning feeling comes in waves.
It is like the feeling you get when you know something new is about to happen,
but there is no clear view of what that new thing will look like. Or like the feeling you get when you know you’re
about to lose something, or maybe that you’ve already lost it. But
nevertheless, the feeling is there. It’s real. And it isn’t glamorous or exciting,
actually it really hurts.
I feel as though when people ask about this new season, that
they think the decision was easy, or as my friend Whitney put it “they think we
have not counted the cost.” But this is not true. It’s actually quite the
opposite. This decision that I, and about 120 others, are making is probably
the most difficult, heartbreaking, uncomfortable decision of our lives.
Speaking for myself, I understand that I am leaving my family to go to a land
that is completely foreign. I know that I will be living alone unless God sees
fit to send me a partner. I am completely aware that I will be the minority, I
will be the one that cannot communicate, and that all the while I will be the
one that is trying to communicate something that could change the eternity of
the person in front of me. I understand
that my life will look drastically different than most people my age, I will
not be making a lot of money, nor will I be married with 1 kids and have a steady
career by the age of 23. I know that I am causing my family extreme pain, I
understand that I am leaving friends behind knowing full-well that I will miss
important things in their lives, like weddings, and babies, and major
milestones. I am not blind to any of these things, instead all of these facts
are like blazing hot bullets firing through my brain at any given second. I’m
living many “lasts” these days. My “last” time to serve with my pastor and
staff. My “last” Easter, Christmas, birthday. My “last” kids ministry event or
lunch with a friend. None of these are easy, in fact this is one of the most
challenging seasons of my life.
This price is real. The cost is high. But my God is worth
it.
He is worth the all of the “lasts.”
He is worth leaving my mother and father and sister which I
love more than life itself.
He is worth the 6,708 miles between me and a hug from my
friends or family.
He is worth the language barrier and the foreign atmosphere.
He is worth the loss of the “American Dream” (and in fact,
he is SO MUCH BETTER than that.)
He is worth the pain that my family is experiencing.
He is worth my life and all of my breath.
So, please do not think that this decision was easy, it
never will be easy. But the cause of Christ is worth the price and I am more
than willing to pay that price. Not in
my own power, or through my own ability, but simply because he has called me,
and what more could I say but “Yes, Father. I am willing, because YOU are WORTH
IT.”
